JamesHoag.com

Sorry for the long delay since the last post. I have been busy on another web site and the holidays took some time. I think we are getting down to the last of the posts on the history. I will bring things up to date over the next few weeks and then compile all of the information into one document which I hope to have for all of you sometime next year. Maybe that will be next year’s Christmas present. So, on with the story…. 

Sometime during the time I lived in Rochester (about 9 months), David called me and begged to come live with me. I don’t remember the reasons he gave, but I finally agreed and he moved out of Winona and moved to Rochester to live with me. So, when it came time to move we moved together. The moving company actually put my car in the moving van and Dave and I flew to Salt Lake City. We rented a car and got a real estate lady to show us apartments and in a couple days, we were ready to move into the Falls Apartments in Sandy. But since our stuff wasn’t here yet, we stayed with Matt and Stephanie in Spanish Fork. They were taking care of an adult facility for handicap people. I think Matt was still going to school at that time, but maybe not.

It took about a week to get the stuff out here to Utah. I started work and drove back and forth from Spanish Fork to Salt Lake. 

Our furniture finally arrived and we moved into Sandy. I was learning new stuff at HAI and it wasn’t easy. David stayed in the apartment. It was about this time that we started the daily calls. Since he was alone all day, he would call me or I would call him and we’d talk for a few minutes. This has evolved into the system we have today which is three calls a day (most days). He does that with others, also.

That lasted for two years or so and HAI was bought out by a company called Magellan Health.

Dad

I thought things were back on track and we were OK, but the marriage was broken beyond repair. I am not going to go into details about the breakup in this blog. I think my kids need to know my feelings about this (Karen can write her own feelings, if she desires), but I do not want the world to know these details. When I publish this memoir as a book, I’ll include a chapter about the breakup, but not until then. And that will be for family, only.

I think David was the first one we told. Maybe Katy and Kristy knew first, I’m not sure. But we told him on his birthday, Aug 28, 1994 because that was the first opportunity we had when he was at the house. He was really upset about that and I’m not sure he ever completely forgave us for spoiling his birthday. We told Matt and Kim by phone which really sucked. That’s no way for kids to find out their parents are breaking up.

As you all know, I moved out about October of 1994 and got an apartment in Rochester. I was still working at IBM, fortunately. We sold the house sometime that winter and Karen moved to Orem with the only 2 kids who were still at home, Kristy and Katy.

David was living in an apartment in Winona, Kim had moved west to go to school and Matt was at BYU working on his degree. As I said, I moved into an apartment in Rochester and settled in. When Karen moved, four of my five kids were in Utah, so I decided it was time for me move out there too. I called Matt and asked him to send me the Sunday classifieds from the Salt Lake newspaper every week. So, about Friday of each week, I would get this package of newspaper from him. I studied the want ads for job offerings. I looked for anything that I thought I was qualified to do.

A company called HAI (Human Affairs International) called me and said they would like to interview me over the phone. They wanted someone who knew the AS/400 computer for a new project they starting and I had been working on it for the past 10 years or so. I had a phone interview with the boss and then a second one with a technical guy. He asked me all kinds of technical questions (to see if I really knew the AS/400). I guess I passed because they offered me a job.

Dad

Karen sent me this story of something that happened to Kristy when she was little. I can really see her doing this:

There’s a cute story about Kristy taking a nap in her bedroom when a fly came into her room. It probably buzzes by her ear and annoys or even frightens her. So she leaves her room, closes the door, stuffs the crack under the door with various things like a blanket, pillow, clothing so the fly can’t come out. Then she lays down in front of the door to continue her nap. Of course, I confront her, asking why she’s laying outside her room instead of on her bed in her bedroom and she tells me what happened. I may even have a photo of her laying in front of the door in the hallway! She was probably 4 or 5 years old when this happened.

Dad

Sometime in 1992 or 93, my mother decided that she couldn’t live alone any longer. She talked to my brother Martin and ended up moving to Maine to live with him. I was sad because I knew my mom was dying and now she was almost 1500 miles away, so I knew I wouldn’t see her very often. Somehow, between the time she moved out there and the time she died, we did get to Maine. She was living in a assisted living home and spent almost all of her time in bed. She was in good spirits and glad to see us, but it was hard.

When she first moved to Maine, she lived with Martin and his wife Sue. Things were fine until they came home from work one day to find her laying on the floor. She had fallen and couldn’t get up. (Just like the commercial everybody makes fun of). She had been laying there for several hours without any way of telling anyone of her plight. Martin decided that Mom shouldn’t be on her own anymore and checked her into the assisted living center.

In October of 1993, I got a call from Martin. He said, in effect “If you want to see your mother alive again, you’d better get here as soon as you can.” I was in a panic. I didn’t have any money. I called the airlines (didn’t have internet quite yet) and tried to get a hardship flight to Maine. Those are cheaper because getting a flight on a moments notice can really be expensive. It took me a while to convince someone that this was a hardship case but just as I was about to buy the ticket, Martin called again and said “Don’t bother, she’s gone.” So, the last time I saw my mother alive was when we visited Maine.

Martin took care of everything. Mom was to be buried in Bellevue, Michigan, next to Floyd who had died in the 60’s. Martin had gotten insurance that paid for flying her body back to Michigan to be buried. So, instead of flying to Maine, we all got in the car and drove to Michigan for the funeral. It’s been 15 years since she left us and I still miss her. She and I had a special Mother/son bond that few people have. I am looking forward greatly to seeing her again on the other side.

Dad